Catelynn and Tyler off of Teen Mom said it perfect on one of the episodes (this isn't a perfect quote) "It's crazy because we did an adoption plan for Carly and now we have to make plans for ourselves." It's very true. My life changed a lot after I found out I was pregnant unexpectedly, and all of it for the better. It's still hard to get my feet back on the ground after such a huge decision and such a big change in my life...
I'm back in school at KSU this semester and it's been very hard to adjust from my last semester. I was in a smaller community college taking classes that were a lot easier (the 100 level classes then, the 400 - 500 level classes now). The other huge thing that has changed was the fact that last semester I was pregnant for part of it and then was a woman who had just delivered a beautiful baby boy for the last part of it. You go through a numb period of "Did that really just happen" for a while after you have a baby and give it up for adoption. Now that numb period is over, I am fully aware of what all happened in October 2009. Now I'm trying to figure out my own life and make my own plan as a Birthmom who is a college student trying to keep making a path for my life.
School is so much harder this semester...I am constantly studying and I've been hitting these big walls where I have so many things running through my mind; I need to study for Repro, I should work on Ashden's project, oh wait I can arrange my photos and put captions with all of them, but no...I need to study for Horse science too and Beef science and Genetics. The more my mind goes through this juggle of what I SHOULD be doing NOTHING gets done. I need to get back in the habit of just doing and thinking about one thing at a time so I stop making myself feel so overwhelmed. It's always so much easier said than done!!
On top of all this I have finally decided what I really want to do for a career after college is out, I want to become a Police Officer. I've always been someone that likes to take care of other people, so what better job then to take care of my community and help keep things under control?! I'm excited about that but it still brings up so many other questions and thoughts...
It's just weird, you go from constantly thinking about another person (Ashden for me) to having to focus on yourself completely again. Sometimes it does feel like their is a void there...and not in a way that I feel like my decision was wrong, it's not that at all...but more like you do feel like there is something missing and you are trying to fill that space with something.
I don't even know if I'm making a bit of sense...LOL...just wanted to try to get some of my feelings out instead of always trying to hold them in. Sometimes it just helps put things into place...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment